too close a call for mama

The following incident took place awhile ago, but it shook me up so much that it has taken me awhile to actually sit down and write it out. I feel that indescribable "mom guilt". You know the kinds that starts with "what if" and ends with "I could never forgive myself." But I feel like I need to put it out there as a reminder to myself and to all moms/parents/care-givers just how quickly an innocent situation can go terribly array.

A few months ago I posted about "some of the scariest sounds a mom can hear" about when Lexi took a tumble down a few stairs. Well, a few weels ago at a birthday party, I saw one of the scariest sights a mom can see.

My little Lexi, soaking wet, screaming her head off, being carried toward me by another dad.

I want to throw up just writing about it.

Just a few minutes prior I had been sitting at a table, talking with the hostess about her mom who had just recently passed away. It was a pretty intense conversation--hospice, hallucinations, final goodbye type stuff. I was holding on to her every word, and holding back my heavy tears.

Just a few yards behind her was one of those round plastic tubs that people use for beverages at parties. Standing around the tub was Lexi and her toddler BFF Theresa. They were scoping out the juice boxes. I could see them over the shoulder of my friend, and I was looking over every minute or so to check on her. In the back of my mind there was something telling me to keep my eye on her because she is such a curious and adventuresome little devil that she might just find a way to get inside the tub, since the crack disguised as a juice box in her hand was simply not enough. But that voice in my head was interrupted by the heatbreaking story of my friend's mother, how she began talking to strangers she had never met and how she waited til no one was in the room to die.

"Same with my dad," I thought.

At that point, a friend of mine who was sitting next to me, the mother of Theresa, could hear our intense conversation, knew that we had this experience in common and wanted us to be able to carry on our conversation, so she said to me, "I have an eye on the girls." With that, I completely tuned out that little voice in my head and I focused in on my friend and her fresh, raw grief.

Simultaneously, the line for the food station began to grow longer, and just happened to form directly in the eyeline to that damned plastic tub.  I don't know how much time had passed from my last glimpse of Lexi, but the next thing I knew I saw a dad, who I did not even know, coming towards me holding her, soaking wet and screaming. I want to believe that it couldn't have been more than a few minutes, but honestly, I don't know.

I entered a twilight zone of sorts, where the lines of reality began to blur with the lines of holy shit please tell me this is a really bad nightmare where all the doctors have pig noses.

How long was she in there? Was she head first? What happened? Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. And, ultimately, thank God she is okay.

The kind gentleman who picked her up and carried her to me was another dad who saw the whole thing happen. She had been trying to get her leg up over the side, which made her top heavy and caused her to fall in, head first. So yes, she was head first and under the water for a few seconds.

I have recounted this story to several people, including my husband who wasn't there when it happened, but it wasn't until last weekend that someone actually said the words, "Wow, she could have drowned."

I want to throw up again.

"Yes, I know." I replied.

Though the area was full of people, it is very conceivable that a substantial amount could have passed before anyone saw her in there. I would like to think that I would have looked over in a moment or two, but I was honestly so engrossed in my conversation that I don't know that for sure.

Once we dried her off, got some clean clothes on her, and got a lollipop in her mouth all was well in the world, at least in her mind. But I still can't shake that image of her soaking wet and crying out for me. It is haunting me.

The world is full of these near misses. Motherhood is full of these near misses. They happen every day it seems. But they still make me want to puke. It happened right after my post about leaving kids in the car while running in for quick coffee or errand. Guess I won't be doing that anymore. Things can happen so quickly.

I'm gonna go stare at my girls while they sleep. Night Night.

boy oh boy

Regardless of how much pink my 17 month old daughter is wearing, there is still someone, somewhere that thinks she is a boy. I put barrettes in the four hairs on her head, I dress her in skirts and I really try to avoid any shade of blue in her outfits, because quite honestly, it drives me nuts when people say "oh, how old is he?" But the fact of the matter is that she looks like a boy due to her lack of hair and I'm just going to have to "brush that dirt off my shoulder" and get over it Jay-Z style.

Brush, brush.

Okay, done. I'm over it.

BUT...I'm not over the comment I received at the grocery store yesterday from an older woman whom we'll call Milly:

Milly to me: Oh, look how cute...how old is he?

Me: Um, she's a girl actually and she's almost a year and a half. (Fake laugh accompanied by fake smile).

Milly to Lexi (bending down to her level): Well, you tell your mom to stop cutting your hair like a boy.

Inner Monolgue--Well first of all, she's ONE and she can't understand you; secondly, I don't cut her hair you moronic hag and thirdly, you tell whoever dresses you that Diane Keaton called and wants her frock & beret back.

Me: Oh yes, I'll have to take her to a hair salon next time. Have a great day, maam!

mama mary's xmas wish list

A brand spankin' new Monday Momsense is up for your viewing pleaure in the righthand side bar. I'm getting a little personal this week, while sharing my Xmas wish list, so please feel free to share your own Holiday Wish List with me in the comments--I'd love to hear what you're asking for from Santa.

Side Note:The "Share Your Favorite Bargain" contest for San Diego Bargain Mama has been postponed so when it is up and running I will post a link so you can vote for my awesome bargain find.

Happy Monday!

5 tips for holiday shopping with toddlers

I went back to the same schnazzy mall I went to on Friday to return the Playmobile Advent calendar I bought (97 pieces + directions harder than Ikea's = no thank you!). Instead I got the hot new Holiday item--Elf on the Shelf, which is an incredibly clever way of getting your kids to behave this Holiday Season; at least in theory. I will be putting the theory to the test and will report back soon. (Thanks for the tip Beth!)

I learned a few other tidbits today I thought would be helpful to share:

1) It's okay if your kids begin screaming bloody murder when they meet Santa and don't want to sit on his lap. Especially if one of them has a poo blow-out halfway up her back. (Sorry, I forgot to say Poo Alert).

2) Don't let Santa con you into sitting on his lap if your kids won't. (I think I need a shower).

3) Don't think letting your 3 y.o. roam freely around a boutique-ey costume jewelry shop is okay. It's not.

4) Don't yell "OH SH*T" at the top of your lungs when you hear an entire table FULL of necklace trees go crashing to the ground because said 3 y.o. was curious about the fake pearls.

5) Apparently said boutique-ey stores have "damaged items" piles so you are not held accountable for said items crashing to the floor.

It's a jungle out there--bring plenty of baby wipes, hand sanitizer and a boatload of apologies for everytime your kids break something.

putting my foot in my mouth at the mall

For some reason, whenever someone compliments something I am wearing, I feel the need to say, "Thanks! It was only blank dollars at Blank" (usually Target or Old Navy). I guess I am quite proud of the deals I find. Anyway, I do this. And it's kind of annoying. I also feel the need to tell people truthfully how my day is, even if it sh*t, if they ask "how are you?" or share way too much personal information with any random store clerk who makes small talk while scanning my purchases, i.e. Claire at Trader Joes knows why I chose Kung Fu Panda theme over Princess theme for Lil's b-day party. I have no filter. In some ways it's good and in other ways it's bad. I don't know which category the following story fits into, but I found it amusing nonetheless.

Yesterday, for my Black Friday shopping bonanza, I went to the rather upscale mall by my house known as "The Forum Shops." This is no Westfield Center or Outlet Mall. It's filled with high end boutiques like Tre & Studio 12.20, shi shi specialty stores featuring candles, paper products & bedazzled accessories, yuppie clothing shops a la Ann Taylor and Talbots and trendy hot spots such as Anthropologie and Free People. But, it also has a Borders & an Apple store, which are the two places I needed (hope Hubby isn't reading this).

As I was crossing the street, a woman walked passed and complimented me on my shoes; my fun, snazzy, sorta sparkly, Zebra print flats that I LOVE. And that I happened to have purchased at Target. So one guess as to how I replied. "Oh thanks, they're Target."

As soon as the words came out of my mouth I wanted them back. Badly.

Typically when I share this information with my complimentor, the response I receive is "Oh really? Great! I love a good deal," or "Oh man, I love Target!". 

Not this time. Her look of disdain and horror could not be masked, nor confused for appreciation or awe. Nope, she was not amused with my admission. I think her Michael Kors handbag even cringed a little. She had that "embarrassed for the other person" look. Like you have when you are watching Michael on The Office or Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm. Like, oh, no, you didn't just admit to me that you bought SHOES at Target.

This woman clearly, in retrospect, might, maybe, PERHAPS, once in a BLUE MOON, make certain purchases at Target, like maybe toothpaste or tampons. But most certainly would not even dare consider allowing the likes of Exhileration or Mossimo to touch her nip/tucked Armani wearing skin. 

Somehow I was able to stop myself before blurting out their real price.

Lesson Learned: Don't judge a book by it's cover. Or do. I don't give a rip. I have cute snazzy shoes. And you can have them too for only $12.99.

mama mary is thankful today

A year ago today I made a pledge to have a Thanksgiving Year which would entail me ending each day with a Thank You of some sort, to reflect on the day and give thanks for all the wonderful things in my life. I cannot honestly say I was 100% successful in ending EACH day with postiive thoughts of gratitude and thanks. There were a crapload handful of nights where the frustration of my day got to me and clouded my overall feelings of being grateful for the wonderful things I have. The grass is always greener is a famous cliche for a reason. There were times when I get caught up with worrying about the things I don't have and how I'm ever going to get the things I want. So I really appreciate this day every year, to keep me in check, and re-focus myself on all positive things in my life, which I have in abundance.

I am thankful for my family, friends, fellow bloggers and facebookers. I am thankful for footy pajamas and snack trap cups. And for Old Navy bargains and Borders Buy 4 Get the 5th one for Free sales. I am thankful for the Target and Trader Joes that opened up near my home and for my hubby's new freelance gigs that are paying for it (even though they are the reason he's gone so much lately). I am thankful for you dear Readers and am wishing you a very Happy Thanksgiving.

I leave you with a quote from one of my favorite Abba songs. This makes me think of my mom and dad who made music such an important part of my life, for which I am eternally grateful.

Thank You For The Music

Thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing. Thanks for all the joy their bringing. Who can live without it? I ask in all honesty, what would life be, without a song or a dance what are we? So I say, thank you for the music, for giving it to me.

10 tips for a trip to Disneyland with a toddler

Romance is to Paris what happiness is to Disneyland. The marketing wizards who dubbed it the Happiest Place on earth certainly knew what they were talking about. From the moment we caught our first glimpse of a costume character...

...to the moment we saw every single princess saunter by us in the Parade,

we had smiles on our faces from mouse ear to mouse ear.

It's fancy-free fantasy and lose-yourself-in-wonder whimsy. It's candy to your heart and soul. It's endearing, and occassionally annoying, music to your ears. And now until the new year, it's fa la la la la la la la la. So if you're looking for a snazzy way to kick off your Holiday Spirit--go to Disneyland!

Our trip certainly won't be winning me any contests with San Diego Bargain Mama since everything costs a pretty penny, including fuzzy hot pink Mickey ears,

And four tons of Mickey lollipops.

But it is all worth the magic and the memories.

Here are FIVE TIPS for the trip you should be planning right this minute:

1) Go in the off season, when the lines aren't too long and it's not too hot. A mid-August summer day would make me want to poke my eyeballs out wit hot pokers. A random day in the fall-spring is much more tolerable since there is a lot of waiting in lines, vying for space on the paths with strollers and jockeying for key viewing positions amidst cranky sunburned people.

2) Wear sneakers! I wore "cute" flats for the first part of the day and now my shin splints are splinting like hell.

3) Run, don't walk, to It's a Small World right when you get there. It's a must see and it you wait too long in the day the line will be ridiculous. We did it first and it set the tone for the entire day!

4) BuzzLightYear Astro Blaster, Peter Pan, Jungle Cruise are good ALL AGES rides.

5) Avoid Snow White's Scary Adventure and Pinnochio at ALL costs! Scary is not even the right word for those rides. Idiot and barbaric are more suitable.

6) Bring or buy an autograph book + commemorative pen to get signatures for all the costume characters--they are everywhere and the kids love it. (Thanks Lisa for this tip).

7) Stay in a hotel nearby, even if you live in SoCal, so you can split the day half and give your kids (and you) a break from the sensory overload. We used our Starwood card to stay for free at the Sheraton next door. The shuttles were smooth, timely and EASY!

8) You can see the fireworks from the end of Main Street at the train station, so if you're crazy enough to stay that late (9:30pm), you won't get stuck in the massive crowds if you watch from a vantage point near the exit. But head there around 8:45 so you can maneuver your stroller through the crowds.

9) The iced vanilla lattes are REALLY REALLY GOOD!

10) Don't order your Xmas cards BEFORE your trip since you might end up with a photo like this:

Happy Holidays!

i love me some good "O"

I received an email from one of my lifelong BFFs, "T", yesterday regarding the big news of Oprah's show coming to an end. She was honeslty moved by the news and she just knew I would be too. She was right. Being the sentimental sap that I am, I always get emotional when something comes to an end--whether it's a major chapter in my life like college or a make-believe sitcom like Family Ties (I totally cried when I heard the last "Sit Ubu sit. Good dog."). For the past 24 years The Oprah Winfrey Show has been my source for everything trendy and touching and I am really going to miss it. Not that she's going anywhere, because I'm certain she'll be "around" forever, especially with her OWN network coming out, but still, there is an era coming to an end; an era of ultra-personal celebrity interviews and out of control audience give-aways, and though it is good news for my dvr cue, I am a little verklempt about the whole thing. I can't help it, I just love me some good "O".

My favorite episodes are too many to name. We all saw and LOVED the Tom Cruise couch spectacle and the James Frey tongue lashing--but the show with the most impact on my life aired six years ago when I saw Gwyneth Paltrow talk about the depression she felt after her dad's death. I vividly remember sitting on my couch with a pit in my stomach listening to her honest account of how her grief kicked her butt. I glommed onto her every word. I silently nodded in understanding and audibly cried in knowing; knowing exactly what she meant by "being derailed" (I think she used those exact words). Somehow her pain made me feel better. That doesn't sound how I mean it to sound, but it is true. I thought to myself, If this uber famous woman who seemingly has everything good in life can feel this same pain, then I must be normal in my grief. That thought comforted me. It gave me hope.

It was soon after that interview that I wrote in my journal about wanting to create this book where women can share their stories about their dads and their grief. I wanted to pass on that feeling of comfort and hope to other women.

So, so what if Oprah has gained and lost weight more times than I've lost an earring at a bar (damn clips!), or that she doesn't like singing along to the radio in the car, or that she touts books that I find to be abominations (I've only hated some of them, namely Pillars of the Earth and The Celestine Prophesy)--what really matters is that she has changed people's lives for the better. She set out to help people and that is what she has done. She has inspired and empowered people around the world. She gave them hope, just like her interview with Gwyneth gave me.

I can't wait to see what she does next season. And more importantly, how in the hell am I gonna get on?

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This video is my all time favorite FUN moment on the Oprah show. I can't get enough of it. Just watch it and watch it all the way through. It's worth it!

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What is your favorite or most impactful Oprah episode? O, come on, I know you have one!